Want a pay raise? Too bad, you're ugly.

Thanks to a 2005 survey conducted by the folks at the Federal Reserve Bank of St. Louis, we can once and for all come to terms with the fact that pretty people are simply better at life than the rest of us average shmoes. Or at least their paychecks say so.

In the quarterly magazine, The Regional Economist, research analyst Kristie M. Engemann and economist Michael T. Owyang published the results of several studies that examined the relationship between physical attractiveness and wages earned. Below are just a couple of the fascinating results (I urge you to check out all of the findings):

One study cited by Engemann and Owyang found a "plainness penalty" of 9 percent and a "beauty premium" of 5 percent. In other words, a person with below-average looks tended to earn 9 percent less per hour and an above-average person tended to earn 5 percent more per hour than an average-looking person.

Regarding weight, another study showed that women who were obese earned 17 percent lower wages, on average, than women within their recommended body mass index.

While the method used by researchers to gauge physical attractiveness was extremely subjective (a panel of interviewers rate the respondent on a scale of 1 to 5, scores were then averaged), it turns out that the plainness penalty and beauty premium existed across all occupations, regardless of how much interpersonal contact the job required!

In a recent article in the Vancouver Sun, reporter Fiona Anderson explored the possible connection between the results of this study and the explosion in cosmetic surgery procedures ("In 2004, the most recent year statistics are available, there were almost 12 million cosmetic procedures performed in the United States, up 44 per cent from 8.3 million in 2003 and up a whopping 465 per cent from 2.1 million in 1997"). While she does not attempt to create a direct causal relationship between the two, she examines the lengths to which many workers will go to stay young and attractive, thus (in their minds), maintaining their competitive edge. In their search for physical confidence, many individuals (especially baby boomers) have found comfort in the skilled hands of their friendly, neighborhood plastic surgeon.

Anderson, however, ends on the following note:

Can cosmetic surgery increase your wages?

Unlikely says Daniel Hamermesh, the University of Texas economist who, along with a colleague, developed the "beauty premium" and "plainness penalty."

What people find good-looking turns out to be regularity of features.

"And it takes a lot more just a breast implant, [eyelid surgery] or a hair implant to solve that irregularity problem," Hamermesh said.

Damn. Looks like I'll have to cancel the brow lift, breast augmentation, and liposuction surgeries I scheduled for tomorrow.