We Want Media

Sometimes America is just a downer. When Iraqis are killing each other as often as they pray and Palestinians are freely electing terrorist organizations and the Vice President is shooting old retired lawyers in the face, one can do little more than furrow his/her brow and dream of better days -- days when the nation’s highest establishment of law mixes with its lowest denomination of skankdom and that story dominates the news. Days like yesterday, when Anna Nicole Smith made her way to the highest court in the nation.

The former Playboy Playmate, current TrimSpa spokeswoman and perpetual drunk, arrived at the Supreme Court yesterday for Marshall v Marshall, her case against her 67-year-old step-son, who is trying to deny her the millions of dollars she claims she is owed from her marriage to billionaire husband J. Howard Marshall II. E. Pierce Marshall claims that Smith got her cut of the money during her 14-week marriage to his 89-year-old father. There’s some other legal mumbo jumbo in there too.

This casual but oh-so-needed distraction from the realities of the real world got me thinking. So here's a list of other actions the Supreme Court could take to distract us from the day’s not so blond news.

• Not an issue of Constitutionality, but the dispute brewing between new divorcees Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson could easily and excitingly be solved by the most brilliant legal minds in America.

• Anthony Kennedy, Stephen Breyer and Ruth Bader Ginsberg, the three most liberal judges according to Segal-Cover scores, could show up to court in drag, just for the hell of it.

• Clarence Thomas, a documented lover of white women, could comb Hollywood offering starlets like Scarlet Johansson and Lindsay Lohan the chance to see his gavel.

• John Roberts could come out of the closet.

Rarely in its 240 years of existence has the Supreme Court interfered with dealings of Hollywood and it likely never will. But it sure does sound fun.